A dream too big ! What does it actually mean ? To me ? To my personal life ? To my ambitions ? Yah !
So yesterday,i was watching a movie,and since i wrote about after life,or like another life if i do have one,in the end of my previous post,it made me think as to wether i can relate myself or not !
And i was watching another movie,kabhi khushi kabhi gam,(yes i agree too old movie it is,but sometimes this is what happens when sadness or what do you call dissatisfaction ? meets boredom,you spit out all the thoughts which you are discontent with),and yes these are the words coming out from the guy who used to hate watching movies !
So what exactly do i want ? Why am i so depressed which even made me quit watching and playing football,stop playing Fifa,stop getting updated with latest softwares,stop me going to parties,stop playing chess to the extent that...that i don't even remember my secret moves...which..which were stored in a locker..in my mind..where i never thought would get stolen !(i will never stop playing Guitar though ! My First Love it is ! )
This is the age to enjoy all this ? No ?!
This is the period of our lives,where everything we do,we do with our choice,where we start to gain freedom,so why have i chosen to become,or continue to be a home sick child ? (To be honest,i was always one !)
So it all started with a movie,right ! So,i was watching kabhi khushi kabhi gam,and Shahrukh khan,steps down from a helicopter,runs and enters the house where everyone was waiting to see him,after 4 years of studies from the United States,one more person who was waiting probably more than all the other people combined was ? Yes his mother !
And,because Shahrukh khan,the so called "hero" had become a successful man ! She was very proud indeed !
She was proud that her son,was no longer a boy,he was a man ! She was proud that the boy who saw his dad go to office,will now follow his footsteps as well,she was proud that her son,not only did he promise her,but fulfilled his promise too !
So what do i dream exactly ?
Well,i dream of completing my masters and Phd from Harvard University !
Despite the problem not being the financial one,which puts many people off the starting line,something pulls me back !
And if the problem isn't money,then what is it ?
Okay,i still remember,why won't i ?
my parents gifted me an iPhone 5S on my 19th birthday ! And an iPhone 5 on my 18th birthday,and an iPhone 4S on 17th !
Everytime next iPhone came,i had it in my hands to test it out !
And because of this mere reason,something is meant to be returned to them ! No ?!
Because,i never really had that winning feeling,that feeling which instills confidence into a person,that feeling which makes you...makes you feel proud,that proud feeling that makes my heart heavy,that weighed heart which brings happiness,and that happiness which brings that smile onto their faces !
From these 19 longs years,i came to know...well..there will never be a place for a soft hearted boy..or rather a soft hearted man now !
I was one too ! A boy...well..i never really intend to make mistakes,and i still find myself with false reputations and..the worst part,without even a best friend uptill now ! Not in school,not in college,not in my society,not in my guitar classes,nowhere did i find a friend with whom i can be comfortable with ! Maybe i'm too boring ?! Maybe i'm dumb enough ?
(Umm yah,83.5% in boards isn't much of an achievement,or is it ?!)
Never did i have,or was a favourite student for a teacher,never did i hear from a teacher saying "Shrikant,my hopes are pinned upon you ! So best of luck !"
Yah,there were better options ofcourse !
Never did i hear someone saying,"you are really good at this" !.
All i do is cry for a while(yes,i do cry sometimes) and sleep !
Since it took me 2 long days to write this post,i decided not to write the next sequel till the day...the day when
"Wind will flow,world will stand still,everyone will watch me walk on the biggest stage of all(and i don't know what the stage is) with my pHD degree in one hand and my first love in another" !.
If the sequel "A Dream Too Big?:Not Anymore"doesn't come,it won't make me sad,since i have nothing to lose now !
But if it does come come,i'll be the first one to cry before my parents do,after seeing them smile ! :).
.jpg)
This is good! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Gargi ! :)
Delete